i had enough

enough is enough...
not everytime i like ppl making fun of me...
i know i'm not pretty not beautiful i'm just a normal gurl
but even as a BFF u dont have to call me a fat pig ok...
u can joke but not whn i am in a emo mode...
y ppl dont understand
i am so tired n sick...
is ok if my bf dont choi me but i dont want my frens to pour salt to my wound...
i am so sad ok...
is just tat yeah they r my
bff they can joke around calling me names but sometimes just they over do it...
and i dont like it...
i just feel so sad and emo....
aomwonw pls hwlp mw...T.T

The song u played...

30August2008 7:18PM (at joie's house) (its a hurtfull day)

whenever i hear the song "Forever love" it reminds me of u ...
it reminds me of everything we shared..
the happinesss the sadness and every single sparkle in the air...
i cant let u go....
is just so painfull...
is like stabbing a knife in my heart it really hurts...
no matter how i pull out the knive i still cant stop it from bleeding...
i really have no gutts to say i love you...
cause its almost 1 year n i cant decide whether i love you or not...
in this 1 yeah our distance...is further apart even whn i see u i will act like nothing is thr....
it really hurts.....
i dont know what to say what to do...
everytime i want to talk to u ...
i dont dare...cause i am affride tat i would speak the wrong word or thing...
but then everytime i hear tat song...i felt like crying...
the tears just fall like droplets of water flowing down my cheek...
it just hurts....
i cant forget you....T.T

Catch me when I fall pls…pls

28August2008 11:50PM (RAinbow hope ..is the last hope i've got be4 i made my decision )

somehow i think i went nutttsss...
today morning i was like "its over i think i should say break up wiv him today "
but then all of a suddent we got a topic to talk is like whn i am really down really hopeless the angel's gave me a thin string of hope....
i was like 50%50% weather to break up wiv him or not...
me n Wk had a long talk...
she told me tat whn u love someone u would let go anything just to love him even your life...
she ask me if FXXX is in danger someone is taking a pistol and aim-ing no him will i blok it for him and i was like ...OMG....i dont know...
is just so confussing...
u know today it rained again but i saw a rainbow ...is a portion of a rainbow only ...
but is it a signal of hope for JXXXXX...i really dont know

Crazzy day @__@

27 August2008 9:36PM (Stormy day)
today i was like WHOOOOAAAHHH....BITCH MAN...
cause i am like so crazzzy...zzzz
i went around like eating cloud 9 n watching them play cards game...
and me n joie was like woi HL dont put tat card out u bitch...
we went like OMG teacher is coming keep it...!!!!
thank god we never get caught...
lolx...
today i was like looking at XXXXhim in the eyes n suddently i feel nothing...n i'm like OMG...
i cant go on like this ...
is like so stupid n crazy is driving me nuttttssssyyy....
woah...i really felt like ----- him...
haix...but i cant do it...its just so hard to say it out
is like asking u to say u hate your BFF ..n its like R U CRAZY I'M NOT SAYING IT!!!
but i really cant forget FXXX is just so hard to forget himm...
today was a stormy day
everyone were like a sissy....goin like OMG covering their ears...god i'm like suddently not scare at all...
whn we go home i say FXXX and i was like hoping he would notice me because is rather dark n gloomy...tats wad i call it "'GLOOMY"...
he really did notice me n i went like YAYx...!!!^___^so happy...
because thr was a small flood on the floors so i went like steping on the water hoping it would plash on him but it didnt n he almost splash me bak but i ran fast enough to dodge it^__^
haha
my brother n i had a long talk abt how to get rich lol
we talked abt cell couture n i asked him to cell the rice to a better species so tat we can plant it n get really $__$ yeah baby^___^

fellings towads you

27August2008 10:27AM (crushed day so wad...)

sometimes ppl tell me dude you've got to stop looking at him ...
and my BFF's tell me tat he had change last time he would have did the same thing like me staring out the window looking for his gf but now...he dont even care..
sometimes i just feel like ending this relationship but everytime i look or talk to him i would tell myself maybe i should change my mind...
T.T but dude he was walking pass our classroom and he just ignore me i am like WTF u BITCH...
chill......
haix...y am i always talking to myself *sighs*
u know its really hardcore...
i wanted to say y u didnt care me...u told me whn i fall u would cath me
but well Joie made a joke out of it...whn i fall he's just gonna laugh and then only catch me....
and he likes to go so near me tat i can feel his heartbeat and body temperature of course tat was be4 the 1week holiday ...
everyone were like gurl stop thinking abt him...
and i was like am i a bit of a playgurl cause i think abt other guys...how can i do tat but at least i never flirt tats gud already but i just felt like our relationship is going to a fullstop completely a empty one...
i'm so sorry ...but i just dont feel love...dont feel warm ...dont feel protected wiv u ...*sighs*

wad happen to me

26 August2008 11:18pm (emo day and cold day)

u know i am like the whole day smelling tears...
i think something is gonna happen n i just dunno wad ...
OMG... ... i am like a fool....
haix...T.T i really tat ling ren tao yan mar...
today XXX say tat i sometimes talk de time very hurt ppl cause i only think my side but i really dunno...
cause whn XXX talk to me tat time also very hurtfull she said 'dont make me lar cannot see i talking one ar!!' and i'm like shut up my mouth didnt talk
i really very xin ku ar...i wan cry...
is like something is in my heart ..
gonna burst out....like bomb...
my hands r so cold n i am so cold...
whr is a bf whn u nid a warm hand...
XXX dun wan to hold my hands cause of some reasons and i am like is ok ...i dont mind...

yayx

26August2008 10:20am (wet day for me cause my heart is crying)

folio....
i am so fucked up so stress out....
i really hope someone understands me my bf haven sms me for a week and plus yesterday makes it 8 days...
everytime i look at him i dont know wad to say so i just walk away...
i really dont want to be the one talking action i feel like 'dude i am a gurl i'm your gf can u do something to impress me?!'
haix...forget abt it he's hopeless...
i dont know y my mama no mood again T.T....
dun angry me mama...i really sorry...
yesterday was the first day i never touch dota games..and i was like writing a blog isn't tat bad after all...
maybe doin gurls stuff would be better than playing vulgar games...i am like 'dude u need to be a girl'
haix....i do everything to try to make my mama happy but then i seems to be the cost of him being sad...y am i such a bad lui lui T.T
i really dunno....i am so sad now...all i know is i am the cost of every shit on earth i am the one tat hates myself ...
T.T

i hate myself

today just seems like 1 of those Emo-ing days 4 me...
things turn out not the way i plan...
mama dunno y angry me..T.T
sorry o mama...
haix...
i dunno lar everytime i see XXX face i will have this weird feeling...is like i hate him OMG!@#$%%^
is tat true i reli dunno...
i feel like saying u bitch!@##$@@#% but cant cause he is my kor...zzz
haix...time fyies days past i really hope that everything will not slug so sick so sad i really wish i had never met someone like u tat makes me sad wish tat i would have turn things bak...
OMG i am writing a poetry again shit face...lol@#$#$%#$%
zzz
i nothing better to do....
zzz
swt -.-''

so boring so sien...
haix is just tat things change ...at least my frens didnt change and tats ok...
the TT really made me so piss and wanted to cry for a sec
i cant belive she acctually scold me like 'dun do tat i am trying to talk ar crystal ' and me n joie were like WTF....T.T i relli felt like OMG i want to cry someone gimmie a tissue...i dunno y now my heart breaks easily...
i can reli cry easily...even now writing my blog i felt like crying....
i dont know y the smell of my tears just roll down my cheek...its like everything change in just a week...
well i've got to go now...i hope i can have somemore time to update this blog but i just dont know how to find time...
this blog is written on 25August2008 at 1:01 Am