waiting...alone...

i was sorry abt yesterday i swear...
i didnt know u were taking it so seriously...but sighs...
i waited for ur msg for the whole night until the next morning i send u a few msg but u haven reply...only after i talk to ash u reply me...
sighs....i tot u were gonna come to cochrane but tat was just my thinking so i waited out thr for 2 hours more not just waiting for u but waiting for ur msg...
i asked u if u brought ur phone to school wiv u n u say yes...
maybe repyling my msg in the toilet would really be tat difficult for u ...
i dont mind...
i tried to hold back my tears whn my frens keep insulting me...they say tat u dont love me they say tat u r not tat gud looking...
i was trying to smile at them...
but i fake a smile...
after he n she went off....my tears came down...i got no control of it...it just roll down like a ball... ...
i waited n waited...i kept crying i told myself not to cry...
but i cant help it... ...
after u reply my msg i felt a little bit better...
but i feel more sad whn i see tat u say if u dont reply my msg ur jie would kill u ...i was like...okayyy i can pretend tat everything in the world is blind including me...i cant see it...i can fake it....yea i'm cool....cause u told me tat u 'wanted' to reply me adi..
sometimes maybe i just have to let go a little bit n let him feel free to run...
yeah...i figure it out too...homeworks n more homeworks u can go free...
i wouldn't not let u go anywhere
u wan to go where then go ba i will try not to ask whr u r goin... i really nid to relax a bit...if not i 'm gonna get a heart pain...like today...i was worrying abt u the whole day n i couldn't stay put...my heart is really pain...is like how u feel when u r alone in a ghost house...
it was so pain n cold...
but is ok^^
everything will be ok de lar love u honey ^^
_______________
這世界很複雜 混淆我想說的話 我不懂 太複雜的文法
什麼樣的禮物 能夠永遠記得住 讓幸福 別走得 太倉促
雲和天 蝶和花 從來不需要說話 斷不了 依然日夜牽掛
唱情歌 說情話 只想讓你聽清楚 我愛你 是唯一 的傾訴

寫一首簡單的歌 讓你的心情快樂
愛情就像一條河 難免溢I到波折
這一首簡單的歌 並沒有什麼獨特

我一直 在思考 讓你瞭解我的好 卻忘了 常常對你微笑
失去的 忘記的 我滓氻O去彌補 你是我 最珍貴 的財富

寫一首簡單的歌 讓你的心情快樂
愛情就像一條河 難免溢I到波折
這一首簡單的歌 並沒有什麼獨特
好像我 那麼的平凡卻又深刻 (深刻 簡單的歌)

簡單的歌 寫一首簡單的歌 讓你的心情快樂 愛情就像一條河
難免溢I到波折 這一首簡單的歌
並沒有什麼獨特 好像我 那麼的平凡卻又深刻

lost and not found department

i was suddenly angry when u ask me abt my cousin again...
i re-typed my msg 3 times
3 edition
i was so angry n pissed because these few days u were always asking me abt her n i felt as if thr was a cold gap between us tat u didn't know ... ...
n i am like honey i am a girl i got feelings 1 is my cousin n the other one is my bf what can u make me think
i am tat type of person tat gets jealous just for a little thing because she is so pretty n i am just a ugly pig...they r sms-ing everyday...
i dont want it to be like the last time how u sms me...
i am scare tat u would leave me ...
the type of feeling tat u would never understand...
whn i am typing the msgs my tears just came rolling down...
i cried n cried i was angry but i didn't want u to know i was jealous n i wanted to tell u how i feel but i was afraid tat u would leave me .... ...tats the reason i canceled tat msg for 3 times....
u told me tat was just normal sms n i am like...ok yea en ok i will try to understand...
but what i wanted to tell u is tat i want someone tat cares abt me...tat wont make me cry or jealous...
i dont just wan oh yeah i see oo...sighs no one will understand how i feel
tats the reason y ppl say guys will never understand y girls feel jealous whn they get too close wiv other girls...
sighs... ...
_________
PCD-i hate this part...a song tat i listened whn i am sad...
were driving slow, through the snow, on5th avenue
and right now, radio's all that we can hear
now we ain't talked since we left it's so overdue
it's cold outside but between us it's worse in here..
the world slows down
but my heart beats fast right now
i know this is the part where the end starts...
i can't take it any longer
thought that we were stronger
all we do is linger
slipping through our fingers
i don't wanna try now
all thats lefts is goodbye to
find a way that i can tell you
i hate this part right here
i hate this part right here
i just can't take these tears
i hate this part right here

confussion ...

[a happy day i guess][11jan2009][9:06PM]
i felt a sharp pain going through my chest...
is a feeling tat i never had so far...
i felt like a cold distance between us...
well i would say this today n get over it tomorrow
but is just like very normal girl...
if u see ur guy out thr talking too much to other girls u would feel jealous rite..
if u say no i am very sure tat u r lying...
i feel jealous too...what if i am the one talking to guys out thr how would u feel??
jealous heart broken thinking too much!!!
i bet u will feel this way rite
not tat i dont trust u but is just tat jealousy kills it kills everything even urself...
it killed me now
every word i type i would hide i wouldn't want u to know tat i am jealous i wouldn't want u to feel sorry
i wouldn't want u to feel guilty...
i dont know how to say this but is just tat its hard to explaine...
sighs complications i trust u but is just tat the jealousy inside of me is taking part of me bit by bit one by one...

a poem for all of u
love, life , who u r
____________
love
what is love?
is it a horrible thing or the most beautiful thing?

tell me what do u feel whn everyone around u never understands who u r
the type of girl tat use to party hard n talk the same thing for an hour and never get bored of it
finally became someone tat is acting like she can be happy everyday even if things happen

she can be happy at the outside but does anyone know how much sadness is inside her?
no one understands
maybe family problems will only make us grow up n understand what is life

life is unfair no one is perfect
even Britney spears the one tat people r dying to be is not perfect
everyone acts in life n is just part of the routine
when u get use to it
it will be ok
but if u're not use to it u will just end up crying for hours because no one remembers ur name
__________________________

"sometimes you just have to pretend like everything is okay n just cry inside ... crying because of no reason maybe the reason is tat i dont understand what u r thinking....
is so confusing and i am useless...i dont understand what u r thinking...dont know how u feel but all i know is tat u will always be happy because u got a bunch of frens family n me ^^
no matter how unhappy i am it will be over tomorrow n tats life
if u start keeping too much unhappyness n never forget about it , it will become a monster in u ....so yea after writing this i will be more happier tomorrow ^^"
new day new step new creation of life...tats how it rolls

first day of school

today i woke up at 4 in the morning...i was so excited to go to school
whn i go to my class...i feel like something was missing is like different faces laughter sound heart beats...
joie was missing hsian loong was missing too
but i missed most was my beloved yao...
in school i felt like i am standing in the middle of the crowd whr everything is moving so fast everyone was pushing n walking no one stoped...
even if i pass by someone i know they would just turn around n walk away i met 3 person tat did the same thing MM,E,S...is like i am a thin air even if we pass by we r surpose to act like we dont know each other...
this reminds me of form 1 ...it was so difficult to find someone tat truely treats u with the heart...[i mean frens not bf i was too young to think abt relationships bakk then]
i missed yao so much...i cant stop thinking abt him...
everyone was like so happy but y am i feeling so weird ...is like i am acting happy...i dont understand y ...i feel tat without joie n hl i am nothing but a bug the tiniest one...
_______________________
你不是真正的快樂
你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著

你不是真正的快樂
你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂
你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快樂
你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓悲傷全部結束在此刻
重新開始活著